The Day I Stopped Apologizing For Being A Mother

I finished breastfeeding my daughter, I kissed her forehead and settled her to nap on my chest. When my MIL saw that, she immediately pursed her lips and tilted her head like she was watching someone do something wrong but didnโ€™t want to be the bad guy by saying it out loud.

She sat on the edge of the couch across from me, fiddling with her bracelet. “You know, you’re going to spoil her if you keep holding her like that all the time,” she said.

I kept rocking my daughter gently, pretending I didnโ€™t hear her. But her voice pushed on, a little louder this time. “Babies should sleep in their own crib. She needs to learn independence early on.”

I didnโ€™t want to argue. Not today. Not with barely three hours of sleep and my emotions running thin. I just nodded, as politely as I could, and said, โ€œShe sleeps in her crib at night. Iโ€™m just soaking this in while I can.โ€

My husband wasnโ€™t home. He had gone on a weekend fishing trip with his brothers. His mom had volunteered to come help me around the house. That was three hours ago. So far, all she had done was sip coffee and offer parenting advice I hadnโ€™t asked for.

When my daughter stirred, I gently laid her down in her bassinet. As I did, my MIL muttered something under her breath. I heard the word โ€œclingy.โ€

I turned and looked at her.

โ€œIโ€™m doing my best,โ€ I said softly. โ€œIt might not look like much, but this is hard.โ€

She waved her hand. โ€œI raised three boys. I know how hard it is. But itโ€™s different now. You moms overthink everything.โ€

It wasnโ€™t the first time she said something like that. And maybe, on a better day, I wouldโ€™ve let it slide. But I was tired of pretending her words didnโ€™t get to me.

โ€œIโ€™m not overthinking. Iโ€™m just… trying to be the mom she needs.โ€

She looked at me for a long moment and didnโ€™t respond. Instead, she stood up, walked into the kitchen, and started opening drawers like she was looking for something specificโ€”but in reality, she just didnโ€™t want to talk anymore.

I didnโ€™t push it. The silence was, oddly, a relief.

Later that day, after she left, I called my friend Clara. She had two kids under five and understood my kind of tired.

I told her everything. The comment. The tone. The way it made me question whether I was being too soft, too attached, too… everything.

โ€œYouโ€™re doing fine,โ€ Clara said. โ€œShe doesnโ€™t have to understand your choices. Youโ€™re the one raising your daughter, not her.โ€

I nodded, even though she couldnโ€™t see me. It helped, hearing that. But deep down, it still stung. I wasnโ€™t looking to be praised. I just wanted someone to get it.

The next morning, I tried something different. When my MIL came over again (she insisted on visiting daily while my husband was gone), I asked her if she could watch the baby for half an hour while I showered.

Her face lit up. โ€œOf course! Finally. Youโ€™re starting to let go a little.โ€

I didnโ€™t answer that. I just handed over the baby gently and walked upstairs, my head swimming with emotions.

I stayed under the hot water longer than I shouldโ€™ve. It felt like the first moment I had to myself in weeks. But when I came back downstairs, I saw her giving my baby a bottle of formula.

I hadnโ€™t introduced formula yet. We were still exclusively breastfeeding. She didnโ€™t ask me.

โ€œShe was crying,โ€ she said, noticing my face. โ€œAnd I thought, well, she might be hungry.โ€

I froze. It wasnโ€™t about the formula. It was the disregard. The assumption. Like what I was doing didnโ€™t matter.

โ€œShe wasnโ€™t hungry,โ€ I said quietly. โ€œShe gets fussy around this time but doesnโ€™t usually eat again for another hour.โ€

My MIL raised an eyebrow. โ€œWell, she drank it all.โ€

I bit the inside of my cheek. I could feel the tears coming, not because of the bottle, but because I felt like a stranger in my own home. I felt… small.

That night, I didnโ€™t sleep.

The baby slept. But I lay there, wide awake, with my back turned to the empty space beside me. I thought about how often I apologized for things I shouldnโ€™t. For being tired. For needing help. For setting boundaries. For being me.

In the morning, I made a decision.

When my MIL arrived, I met her at the door.

โ€œI appreciate your help,โ€ I said. โ€œBut I need a few days to just be alone with the baby. I want to figure things out my way.โ€

She looked surprised. Even a little offended. โ€œI was just trying to support you.โ€

โ€œI know,โ€ I said. โ€œBut I need to learn how to trust myself.โ€

She hesitated. Then nodded, stiffly, and left without another word.

I expected to feel guilty. I didnโ€™t. I felt relief.

Over the next few days, I noticed something shifting in me. I stopped checking online forums for every little thing. I started trusting my instincts more. I began writing in a small journalโ€”just little notes to myself.

Youโ€™re doing enough.

Sheโ€™s safe. Sheโ€™s loved.

Youโ€™re allowed to rest.

It wasnโ€™t overnight, but it helped.

One afternoon, I took my daughter out for a walk in the park. It was one of those crisp spring daysโ€”sunny but with a breeze. I sat on a bench, watching other moms and dads pass by.

An older woman approached me, smiling at the baby.

โ€œSheโ€™s beautiful,โ€ she said.

โ€œThank you,โ€ I replied.

The woman leaned in, chuckling. โ€œEnjoy this. They grow up faster than you think. My daughterโ€™s thirty now. Just moved across the country with her kids. Iโ€™d give anything to have those baby snuggles again.โ€

I smiled back.

It wasnโ€™t profound. It wasnโ€™t life-changing. But it felt like a hug from the universe.

Two weeks later, my husband came home. I expected him to be surprised by the changes, but he just hugged me tightly and said, โ€œYou seem… stronger.โ€

โ€œI think I am,โ€ I said.

And then, something unexpected happened.

My MIL called. She asked if she could come overโ€”not to give advice, but just to visit.

When she arrived, she brought a small box.

Inside was a photograph of her holding my husband when he was a baby.

โ€œHe cried all the time,โ€ she said, her tone softer than before. โ€œAnd I used to hold him on my chest too. For hours.โ€

I looked up at her, surprised.

She smiled, this time without judgment. โ€œI was just scared youโ€™d burn yourself out. I didnโ€™t know how to say it without sounding critical.โ€

I nodded slowly. โ€œI get it. But sometimes I need to figure it out on my own.โ€

She reached over and placed a hand on mine. โ€œYouโ€™re a good mom. I see that now.โ€

I didnโ€™t cry. I thought I might. But instead, I just felt… whole.

Weโ€™re not best friends. We donโ€™t always agree. But something changed that day. We found a middle groundโ€”a space where both love and boundaries could live.

A few months later, I went back to work part-time. It was scary at first, leaving my daughter for those hours. But each time I came home and held her, I was reminded why I did it. For her. For us.

My MIL became one of her regular babysitters.

Not because I owed her, or because I was scared to say no, but because we had built trust.

She asked questions now.

โ€œDo you want me to give her a bottle or wait?โ€

โ€œShould I put her down now, or do you want to hold her?โ€

I appreciated that. So much more than she probably knew.

One day, during a family dinner, someone joked that I was too soft as a mom.

My MIL looked up and said, โ€œSheโ€™s exactly the kind of mother that child needs. Donโ€™t mistake gentleness for weakness.โ€

That moment felt like a full circle.

Not all stories end like this. But this one did. Not because it was perfect, but because it was real. Messy. Honest. Earned.

I stopped apologizing for being a mother.

I started believing that being โ€œtoo muchโ€ was sometimes exactly enough.

So, to the tired mom reading thisโ€”keep going. You know your baby better than anyone. Your way might look different, but that doesnโ€™t make it wrong.

And to anyone watching a new mom struggleโ€”be kind. Sometimes love sounds more like listening than advising.

Thanks for reading my story. If it resonated with you, Iโ€™d be honored if you shared it or gave it a like. Maybe another mom out there needs to hear it too.