Dear Wife,
I wanted to take a moment to write this letter and let you know that I have made the difficult decision to never come back. I have spent the past seven years trying my best to be a good husband to you, but it seems that my efforts have been in vain.
These past couple of weeks have been incredibly challenging for me. The final straw came when your manager reached out to inform me that you had resigned from your job. It was a shock and it made me realize that something needed to change.
When you arrived home last week, you didn’t even notice that I had gotten a fresh haircut or that I had prepared your favorite dish. I had even taken the time to wear a new pair of silk boxers, hoping to make the evening special for us. Unfortunately, you finished your meal in record time and went straight to bed without any acknowledgement.
Our love and intimacy have dwindled to nothing. Whether you have stopped loving me or there is someone else in the picture, I cannot continue in this relationship. So, I have decided to leave.
With that said, please don’t bother looking for me. I have already made arrangements to move to West Virginia, and interestingly enough, I will be staying with your sister. It’s time for me to start anew.
Wishing you all the best in life, Your EX-Husband
PS: I hope you find happiness in your own way.
Dear Ex-Husband,
Reading your note has brought a smile to my face. While we may have spent seven years together, I have to be honest and tell you that you were not the amazing husband you believe yourself to be.
I do enjoy watching TV dramas, especially when they drown out your constant complaints. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work.
As for your haircut, my first thought was, “You look just like a girl!” However, I decided to follow my mother’s advice and keep quiet if I had nothing nice to say. And about the dinner you made, well, I stopped eating pork seven years ago. So, it seems you must have thought I was my sister when you prepared it.
As for those new silk boxers, I found it quite amusing. Just that morning, my sister Carla had borrowed $50 from me, and I noticed that the price tag on the boxers was $49.99. What a coincidence.
Despite everything, I still loved you and wanted to work things out. In fact, after winning $10 million in the lottery, I quit my job and purchased two tickets to Jamaica for us. But when I arrived home, you were nowhere to be found.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps this is the best outcome for both of us. I genuinely hope that you find the happiness you’ve always been seeking. According to my attorney, your letter guarantees that you won’t receive any money from me, so consider this a fresh start.
Wishing you the best, Your ex-wife, who is now rich and free!
PS: I’m not sure if I ever mentioned it, but my sister Carla was actually born Carl. I hope that won’t be an issue.
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