Miss Kay, a “Duck Dynasty” star, has decided to speak out about one of the most difficult times in her life: the time her husband, Phil Robertson, suspected her of having an affair. Kay survived those suicidal thoughts by the grace of God, and she and Phil rebuilt their marriage due to the charges.

“I hit rock bottom,” Kay writes in her latest book, The Women of Duck Commander. “I’d never felt so completely helpless as I did that evening. I was in a bad situation with the boys and didn’t know how to escape it. I finally accepted that I had no control over our lives and no one else could.”

Kay could put up with Phil’s heavy drinking for a while, but his accusation of infidelity devastated her. Kay had been dealing with Phil’s excessive drinking for some time. Out of desperation, she locked herself in the restroom and began looking for a way out.

“I realized that all I wanted to do was sleep. I just wanted to take enough Tylenol to get a good night’s sleep; I had no intention of killing myself. I wouldn’t want to live any longer if I could just fall asleep and not wake up. And I intended to scare Phil to death,” she wrote. “I planned to exact revenge on him for everything he had put me through. I pretended I didn’t mind if I slept for all eternity, but I don’t think I truly wanted to die.”

She claims that while Kay was still confined to the bathroom and wailing, God sent her three signs of life.

“Through my cries, I could hear small feet moving toward the restroom door. I could see all three boys come to talk to me in their house shoes,” she observes.

“Mom, don’t cry,” son Alan said. “God will take care of us.”

“It was as if a lightbulb had suddenly turned on for me. What am I doing? I asked myself. I’m a mother of three sons. I can’t leave my children with a drunk.”

So Miss Kay spent some time in prayer before returning to the rest of her life with a new perspective.